YouTube truly is a bountiful gift given to us by the Internet Angels. HOWEVER, that does not mean that we can just do whatever we want on YouTube – there be’eth rules, my friend. The most important of these rules are the mighty Ten Commandments of YouTube, which you should all learn by heart:
1. YouTube Commandment 1
It is not an achievement and it never has been. Do not seek this prize, for you shall only make yourself a fool.
2. YouTube Commandment II
What’s the point of sitting around waiting to find out a video is amazing, when you already completely know it is? Cut out the middle man!
3. YouTube Commandment III
Oh, I’m sorry. I didn’t realise you’d been tied up and held in front of your computer, forced to watch a video you clearly don’t like. Oh, what’s that? You weren’t? Well then why are you watching a video you clearly hate and leaving mean comments? Why are you doing that, pal? It’s not for you, my dude.
4. YouTube Commandment IV
Here? On this cat video? THIS is where you want to place your rant about how you hate Japanese people? Seems like an odd place if we’re honest. It really seems like you’re in the wrong part of Internet Town. You don’t belong here, you belong here.
5. YouTube Commandment V
“What is he talking about?”…. “When is this coming out?”…. “What is the entire content of this video?”
– STOP. HUSH. WATCH.
6. YouTube Commandment VI
Don’t forget to smash that like button, guys!
7. YouTube Commandment VII
Remember: the thumbs down button is only for severe occasions. Don’t ruin a YouTubers day just because you saw a lamp in their video that you didn’t like the colour of. YouTubers are people too, you monster.
8. YouTube Commandment VIII
Hold your fire, fellow fans! There is enough obsessively-intense love to go around!
9. YouTube Commandment IX
Isn’t it really sad to think that 99% of the people watching your video are only doing so because you tricked them with a sexy thumbnail? Does that make you feel happy, or accomplished? It shouldn’t, pal. It shouldn’t. Maybe reassess things. Take a long walk, skip a stone on a lake. Find yourself. Then pick a proper thumbnail, ya dingus.
10. YouTube Commandment X
Why even make a video if you’re going to cover it in eight layers of colourful boxes? It’s a thing people watch, not a Christmas present. Unwrap it, respect your audience and give them the space to enjoy what you’ve made!
SEE MY LATEST VIDEO HERE. It’s the least they deserve.
Behold! Those Be’eth The Rules Of YouTube And The Rules Be’eth Good And Right. Learn Them Well, My Sweet Child Of The Interwebs.