25 Pun Tweets That Will Make You Say 'Goddammit' Out Loud
12 July 2017, 16:02
Literally just the 25 best pun tweets we could find on the internet. Just quality wordplay from beginning to end - a five star experience.
As much as we all love Twitter for its arguments and targeted harassment, it's also home to some of the most infuriatingly good forms of wordplay the world has ever seen. We've rounded up a whole bunch of the best pun-tastic jokes ever committed to the internet's foremost bird-based social network. Enjoy:
1. Goddammit Josh
[please enter a password]— josh (online) (@ruinedpicnic) February 11, 2015
[password must contain at least one capital]
2. Goddammit Julian
Why do they have bar codes on the returning Swedish fleet?— Julian Lee (@JulianLeeComedy) February 13, 2017
So they can Scandinavian.#ukpunday
3. Goddammit Steven
Why is it called a 'dad-bod' and not a 'father-figure'?— Steven W Skinner (@SkinnerSteven) May 8, 2015
4. Goddammit Nick
Oi satellite dish, what music you into, pal? pic.twitter.com/scQYiohB1B— Nick Stevenson (@NickMixmag) December 4, 2015
5. Goddammit Terry
I mashed 6.022×10²³ avocados to make this guac a mole— Terry F (@daemonic3) January 16, 2015
6. Goddammit James
These two books contain the sum total of all human knowledge pic.twitter.com/MF8ME8tJOM— James Kirkpatrick (@James_Kpatrick) April 5, 2013
7. Goddammit Dan
"I just tried to make reservations at the library"— dan mentos (@DanMentos) May 4, 2015
You don't need a res-
"Couldn't get one though"
Don't do this
"They were fully booked"
8. Goddammit Fred
"sir, can i ask why you're smoking TWO huge blunts?"— Fred Delicious (@Fred_Delicious) June 18, 2013
*turns to camera*
*cop starts breakdancing*
9. Goddammit Ollie
Buy one Oprah, get Winfrey.— Ollie Ver (@ojedge) March 20, 2015
10. Goddammit Aparna
I once dated an apostrophe. Too possessive.— Aparna Nancherla (@aparnapkin) November 12, 2015
11. Goddammit Jonny
A-B-C-D-E-F-G— heeeere's jomny sun (@jonnysun) July 25, 2015
"um why did u say phosphorous"
becuase its the… EL-EM-ENT-AL P
13. Goddammit Scriblit
Why did they make Courteney Cox?— Scriblit (@Scriblit) July 31, 2013
Because Lisa Kudrow.
14. Goddammit Jake
"This isn't my first rodeo" -Guy at his second rodeo— Jake Weisman (@weismanjake) January 17, 2014
15. Goddammit Greenis
My obsession with building townhouses is going to give me a complex one of these days.— Little Greenis (@DurtMcHurtt) September 28, 2015
16. Actually kind of a good idea, Guy
If I was stuck on a desert island with only one record, I would want it to be the record for being able to swim the farthest.— Guy Endore-Kaiser (@GuyEndoreKaiser) April 22, 2013
17. Goddammit Todd
"I want that fable on my desk, AESOP!"— Todd 'Papi' Carlos (@TheToddWilliams) November 10, 2014
18. Goddammit Michael
Why do we call it "hiring a hitman" and not "ordering takeout"— Michael, still here (@Home_Halfway) February 14, 2015
Pick up artists and garbage men should switch names.— Ceej (@ceejoyner) May 29, 2013
20. Goddammit Velvet
Cop: "Detective, we already had the chalk outline taken care of. His bulge is accurate enough"— Velvet Tusk (@velvettusk) March 30, 2015
Dick Tracy: "Almost finished"
21. Goddammit Mike
barn owls must have been stoked when the barn was invented— shut up, mike ginn (@shutupmikeginn) December 28, 2014
22. Goddammit Patricia
.@parisreview So is Paris any good or not— Patricia Lockwood (@TriciaLockwood) January 9, 2013
23. Goddammit Mustard
it was the busta rhymes, it was the wursta rhymes— mustardsgiving (@nice_mustard) August 23, 2012
24. Goddammit Josh (again)
"What's your name, son?"— josh (online) (@ruinedpicnic) December 22, 2015
"Uhhhh..." [looks at cop's shirt pocket] pic.twitter.com/zhgzInhIAT
25. Goddammit Michael (again)
"You have to look at the big picture" - Aggressive museum guard— Michael Raphone, Sr. (@michael_raphone) January 29, 2013
26. Goddammit Line Art
*Abe Lincoln on trial*— Line Art Lionheart (@notalogin) November 12, 2014
Judge: How do you find the defendant?
Foreman: We find the defendant in a cent.
*Judge's gavel lights on fire*
27. Goddammit Jonny (again)
i hav cat-like reflexes— heeeere's jomny sun (@jonnysun) January 3, 2015
*looks at a cat*
(instantly) i like that cat
Which puns are your favourite? How many times did you pound your desk in hilarious fury? Let us know in the comment section below, or on our Facebook page.