An Open Letter To The YouTubers That Bathed In Nettles
28 April 2016, 10:04
Why did you do this? Why would you ever do this? I have so many questions
A video has recently resurfaced that shows YouTube duo TGFbro filling a bath with stinging nettles and then climbing into it. For people outside the UK. stinging nettles are plants which, as you might expect, sting you when you touch them. They won't kill you or do serious damage but it reeeeeeeally sucks to get stung by them - trust me. The video was filmed in 2013 but has found new life on Facebook this week, providing me with the perfectly opportunity to ask some urgent questions about why the f*ck they did this. Before we begin, why not become familiar with this extremely baffling video:
(Warning: obviously there is a looot of swearing in this video)
The video presents several burning, stinging questions, which I will now proceed to ask:
Why did you do this, boys? Is everything okay? Why would you fill a bath with stinging nettles and then climb into it? How is that even a thing? This video doesn't even need a 'do not try this at home' warning because no one would try this at home. Because no one would ever do this. George R.R Martin would look at this video and be like 'ew that's a bit much.'
2. Where Did You Get All These Nettles?
That's a lot of stinging nettles you've got there in that bath - where did they come from? Where does a human being go to obtain a large amount of horrible stinging nettles? I'm asking so that I can make sure I never accidentally go there. If there is a megastore where YouTube pranksters go to buy instruments of self-torture I ain't getting within 500 miles of that place. Now there's a good chance that they explain where the nettles come from in the video but that would presumably be in the introduction and no one watches the introduction in a video like this - we all just skip to the good (by which I mean appalling) part.
3. Was This Worth The YouTube Views?
No, it wasn't. There you go, I just answered that question for you. That'll save some time.
4. Did You Grow These Nettles Yourself?
Listen, I don't want to go on and on about this but I do not accept that a person can just obtain a large (Bath Size™) quantity of nettles. I'm pretty sure there must be laws against this. If there aren't I'm going to start campaigning for there to be laws - they shall be known as the 'No. What Are You Doing You Idiot, No' Laws and they shall be enforced with deadly brutality. I do quite love the idea of you guys tending to a nettle garden for many months, your friends and family watching from afar, softly weeping and trembling with fear because they don't yet know what you're going to do with these nettles but come on now it's a sh*tload of nettles, it ain't gonna be good.
5. The Guy Who Dipped His Private Parts Into The Nettles - Why Did You Do This?
You would think that watching the first guy (whom I shall name NettleBoi because I cba to learn his name) plunging into the bath full of nettles and reacting somewhat unhappily would have convinced you that - hey - maybe this is sort of a bad idea. But no, no you (who I shall name BallBoi) decided that you would not only like to go into the bath, but you'd like to go nuts-first.
No BallBoi - think of your balls.
Where I come from (earth) it's generally accepted that you don't want to dip your most private of parts into a bath filled with stinging nettles, but what you did - and notice the difference here - what you did, is that you did do that.
NettleBoi, Ballboi - why did you do this? Please don't ever do this again. Also, if you could write back to me about where you got all these nettles I'd love to know, thanks.
For more prank fun, why not check out our quiz: 'Are You Pulling A Prank, A Social Experiment Or Just Being A D*ck?'