How To Protect Your Town From The Team 10 Tour

4 April 2018, 17:21

protect from team 10 tour
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Benedict Townsend

By Benedict Townsend

The Team 10 tour is about to make its way across the US, here's how to protect your home and loved ones from the nonsense

By now you may have heard that Jake Paul's Team 10 is heading off on their very first tour, all across the United States. If you know Team 10, you'll almost certainly have a strong opinion about them, whether it be positive or negative. And if you're not a fan, then a visit from the Team to your endz is probably not a dream come true for you.

Here's our guide for how to survive a visit from Team 10 to your town:

1. Purchase ear protection

Jake and the gang operate at a volume that scientists have dubbed 'foreverscream'. It has been hypothesised that if Jake Paul were to ever communicate in anything other than a huge shout or a comical stage whisper, he would immediately disintegrate into ash.

Ear protection is vital, if you are to survive the invasion.

2. Hide any Lamborghinis that may be lying around

There is a 100% chance that if you leave any Lamborghinis lying around town, one or more members of Team 10 will squat down next do them and start doing some kind of rap, probably about how they are 'on a grind' or something. There is also a severe risk that they will jump inside and drive around town in slow motion while bobbing their heads.

Don't take the risk, lock them up safe in a garage.

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3. Prepare for a 73% increase in general nonsense

There will probably be a few weddings, a couple of faked deaths, a horse will probably be fired out of a catapult, and Jake's hotel room will probably be 'broken into' but not really.

Yep, wherever the Team go, a wake of silliness follows, so if you're out walking your dog in public, maybe think twice - because there's a good chance that that dog will be crushed by some kind of robot that Jake has built. A robot that knows how to dab.

And kill.

4. Prep your fire department

You'd be hard pressed to find a Team 10 video where something doesn't get set on fire. Alert your local authorities today, to save time later. And it wouldn't hurt to just have buckets of water lying around the place just in case.

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5. Roll out the carpet for Nick Crompton, your king

Listen, we like to kid around here, but there's nothing funny about Nick Crompton, our king. Speaking as a British person, I take Nick, the owner of the City Of England, extremely seriously. He is a god among men and a cheeky chap to boot. All hail Crompton, and make damn sure that your collar stays poppin'.

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