posted by Liam Dryden

Nanalew shares her anxiety over issues that a lot of people who have been making YouTube videos for years often have to face.

In all of the discussions creators have had recently about the state of YouTube, few have been open and honest about their own struggles with the platform, and their relationship with their audiences. And for those who have been around a long time, like Shawna “Nanalew” Howson, there are a whole other host of issues to discuss.

Filmmaker and vlogger Shawna opened up in an emotional video titled ‘When you’re not good enough’, about the anxiety she faces when working on a new project, its connection to her self-worth, and the desire to put things off in the fear that they won’t succeed.

“You end up looking at yourself, like ‘Why am I doing this?’ especially if it’s something that I want to do”, she asks aloud, venting to camera. “I think shame is the worst feeling to feel, because it makes your future and your possibilities look very small.”

Shawna’s thoughts come off the back of a video she recently posted with Emma Blackery, where the two discuss in serious depth about the notion of being a “YouTube has-been”. Shawna has been making videos on YouTube for well over eight years, and both she and Emma have been struggling with the plateau in their subscriber growth and view counts. But Shawna admits in her follow-up vlog that the response to this video from her audience took her by surprise.

“I was so blown away by how many people said they were sorry for not commenting, because they didn’t think their voice mattered or had anything to give”, she admits. “It was the most amazing thing.”

“Even though views are going down and things can be hard an uncertain, what I’m doing matters to somebody. And that matters a lot.”

You can watch the video above, and if you’ve got some time to settle in for a long one, her video with Emma Blackery is also definitely worth a watch.