posted by Charleyy Hodson

Let’s hope none of this actually happens!

Christmas Day is a stressful day for everybody. The chef is pulling their hair out over the burnt spuds. Younger siblings are crying over a decreased quantity of Christmas presents in comparison to last year. And most importantly, you’re wondering when it’s suitable to go upstairs and refresh your YouTube subscription box.

So don’t worry if any of that happens to you; it means you’re totally normal. However, if any of the following things happen to you… you’re just massively unlucky and are destined for pain.


1 – You get a lump of coal in your stocking.



2 – All your presents have been stolen overnight.



3 – The ‘No Phones At The Table’ rule is actually enforced.



4 – A family photograph is staged.



5 – Your girlfriend runs off with the bloke dressed up as Santa you saw in Tesco last week.



6 – You wake up in an alternate universe in which the only Christmas album is by Justin Bieber.



7 – Someone gets the entire Hobbit trilogy on DVD and insists on watching it all in one sitting.



8 – The Christmas Pudding gets set on fire for 0.3 seconds too long so it gets a bit more singed than you like it.



9 – Your Grandma buys you the new Fallout 4 game but it’s not the limited edition one that comes with the Wearable Pip-Boy.



10 – Your dad starts shouting racial slurs but he bought you the new Apple Watch so you can’t drag him on social media without feeling massively ungrateful.



11 – The opening of presents ends and you come to the slow realisation that all of this small happiness has done nothing but line the ever deepening pockets of the consumer capitalist elite who have used the holiday to further their financial detachment from the masses.


Watch our 2015 round-up!