7 Mistakes 'Vine' Made That 'Vine 2' Needs To Avoid

11 December 2017, 11:46 | Updated: 11 December 2017, 14:38

Vine issues that V2 needs to avoid
Vine issues that V2 needs to avoid. Picture: other
Benedict Townsend

By Benedict Townsend

Vine was great... apart from these seven huge problems

1. It's not-very-good app

The Vine app was not fun to use. It wasn't really organised, it ate up data like a madman and its search capabilities just... didn't exist? Seriously, remember when you would randomly find a great Vine and then later would want to rewatch it? If you didn't know the exact caption or the name of the person who posted it you were basically doomed to never see it again.

V2 needs to up its usability and user-friendliness by ohhh, let's say, 1000%.

2. Being weirdly racist

Of all the curious qualities of Vine, the one that always stands out whenever I think back, is how curiously offensive it could be.

I don't mean 'offensive' in the sense of like, dark humour, I mean like the real racist stuff where some white dude blacks up and starts singing about chicken. This kind of lowest brow non-comedy (comedy requires, you know, an actual joke to be involved) doesn't exist anywhere on the internet that Steve Bannon doesn't visit so it was really odd that it founds its way to Vine.

Why did Vine end up like this?

My theory is this: ultimately only two forms of entertainment really work in six seconds - comedy and art. Seeing as artistic Vines require talents most of us don't have, people found that the only they could succeed on the app is if they were funny.

Unfortunately a lot of people aren't funny, and so they resorted to literally the best form of 'comedy' their dumbass brains could muster - which, nine times out of ten, appears to be lazy stereotyping.

I mean look at that. What is the joke? That Uber drivers offer you things when you get in their car? That's not a joke, that's a not-funny observation.

No, the joke is that she's doing a wacky stereotypical 'brown person' voice and has a turban and a unibrow. HILARIOUS. GREAT JOB BRITTANY, YA REALLY KNOCKED IT OUTTA THE PARK.

3. Not making any money

This one is more on the business side of things, but it can't be ignored: Vine was very bad at making money. Money shouldn't be the main driving factor behind a creative venture but - oh wait - this is the real world, so no matter what, money will always eventually become the driving factor behind a creative venture.

It's not a good thing, then, that one of the most popular apps and platforms on the market couldn't make, you know, any of it. Any money. Any money at all. Vine realised waaay too late that it needed to start pulling in revenue in order to survive and then never worked out a way to actually rake in the moolah.

In V2, whether users like or not (spoiler alert: they won't), the owners will need to make the app at least seem profitable, in order to guarantee that it doesn't go the way of its predecessor.

via GIPHY

4. Letting the trending page become a cesspit

At the end of the day, 'revine for revine' is what killed Vine. It wasn't the rubbish management, it wasn't the crappy app, it was the fact that the 'most popular' Vines were the hottest garbage that ever burned on our precious planet.

A core of about 20 'comedians', whose 'comedy' mainly consisted of falling over while playing a wacky sound effect - managed to completely monopolise the app.

As a result, instead of being the hub of quirky creativity the app started as, it became hundreds of videos of dudes with abs humping the floor. Yeah, that was an actual Vine craze.

5. Leaning into 'personalities'

Aaaaand speaking of those 'personalities', Vine itself was just as guilty in the decline of its content. The app decided to lean into the personality-lead culture of the app (perhaps in a vain attempt to imitate YouTuber), without realising that people liked Vine because of its organic, creative content.

Instead we kept getting that same Vine over and over where some dude is cheating on his girlfriend or something and then OMG HIS GIRLFRIEND CATCHES HIM and then she's mad and there's a 'I'm mad' sound effect and he's like OH NO and then she slaps him and that's the punchline! That's the joke! That she slapped him! Ten million loops!

6. Its awful, awful, very awful website

Have you ever been on the Vine desktop site? Goddaaaaamn that website is bad.

It says a lot of when the number one place to watch Vines online is YouTube. The Vine website is home of pure gold and it's basically unusable. If V2 wants to really make a splash, it needs to come with a site that lets people actually get to the Vines.

7. Limited options for creators

Popular creators on Vine usually had to rely on other websites and apps to get a lot of their business done. They chatted to their fans on Twitter, they uploaded their Vines to YouTube to actually make some money from them. V2 needs to put creators and the community above everything else.

Happily, this is something that V2 creator Dom Hofmann seems to agree with:

Now take the time to remember the best vines of all time.

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