Eva Gutowski Discusses Suicidal Feelings After Watching 13 Reasons Why

24 April 2017, 10:10 | Updated: 17 July 2017, 12:25

We the Unicorns

By Hollie-Anne Brooks

Eva's message was, ultimately, a positive one.

Eva Gutwoski has once again taken to YouTube to open up about mental health and share her experiences. Inspired by Netflix series 13 Reasons Why, Eva talks about how the show made her emotional, reminding her a lot of her own life. Eva has spoken openly about her mental health struggles in the past and how her life has been blighted by mental health issues; especially after she was a victim of sexual assault at aged 16. In her latest video, Eva claims she wants to open up and share her story, in the hopes it'll inspire others.

"I'm sure people can relate to feeling the same way; Feeling hopeless, feeling like you've tried to talk to people," admits Eva through tears. "You've asked for help, no-one takes you seriously."

"I hid [my depression] for so long from my friends because I thought my friends weren't close enough to care for me... I never had somebody I could go to."


The YouTube star turned author goes on to explain how she eventually blurted out to her parents that she was suffering from depression, only for them to "get mad" at her. She adds how her thoughts turned to suicide.

"I told my grandmother that I was going to kill myself because that would be the only way people would understand they were hurting me, if I was gone. No-one was taking my words seriously so I figured the only way people would take me seriously is if I was gone... But I didn't do it and I'm so glad... I can't explain that enough"

Eva discusses how she made a list when she was younger about "all the things" she wanted in life, including a swinging chair; and encourages her fans to "make those stupid lists", considering them as a key reason she's here right now as they taught her how to dream.

"I know there's so many things you want to live for".

Eva ends the video telling her viewers the things she wants in the future- including writing another book- because she "know there's going to be a future".

The highly emotional and ultimately inspiring video can be viewed right here:

If you're struggling with feelings of depression or suicide, please contact Samaritans via this link.