Markiplier's Bedroom Confession Is Too Shocking To Put In This Headline

7 March 2017, 15:33 | Updated: 17 July 2017, 12:25

We the Unicorns

By Charleyy Hodson

We can't handle this.

Markiplier may have just uploaded one of the most shocking confessions we've ever seen on YouTube in our millions of years of existence. Using stock footage to try to convey his hidden secret, Mark shares the most astounding piece of YouTube news this side of 2017... and we're 100% here for it. We're going to do our best to break it down scene-by-scene for you, but you may need to perch yourself on the edge of your seat for maximum impact resistance.

The video opens with Mark climbing onto a bed addressing the elephant in the room... it's not his normal bed. However, none of it this important because he has only made this video to tell us, the viewers, the full story of why he's so far from home and his loved ones. Detailing every single second from the moment he woke up at the crack of dawn to when he brushed his teeth, viewers are sent on a thrilling adventure of Markiplier's journey across the globe "to [his] destination"... and his current location, which is "something so horrible that [he] can't actually tell you".

You can experience Mark's full and shocking monologue right here:

From the dewey light glowing across Mark's face to the eloquent way he recites the name "schmenny schmarbae bapto", fans across the web have been thrown into a fit on confusion over his shocking new revelation. But don't worry, your friends and wordsmiths here at We The Unicorns have been able to decipher Mark's message, and we deliver it to you here, with zero edits. Just in its raw and intended tongue...

"Yeah I'm in Boston erm, so, here for PAX. Heeeyyyy..."

And now, have this truly out of place and unnecessary Markiplier GIF to help you comedown from this truly shocking news. HAVE A NICE DAY FOLKS.