Dodie Just Released Extracts From Her New Book About Her Struggles With Mental Health
30 October 2017, 15:36 | Updated: 6 November 2017, 14:13
"There was just one overriding emotion: a vacuous, overwhelming feeling of despair"
Extracts have been released from Dodie Clark's upcoming book 'Secrets For The Mad: Obsessions, Confessions and Life Lessons'. The Mail On Sundays' You Magazine published edited extracts in their latest edition and we have some of them for your reading pleasure, right here.
1. Dodie talks about her mental state as a young person
She says, "if I had to describe my brain before I started experiencing darkness. I would say it was deep-thinking, excited but most all it was busy. If you were to dive into my brain at seven years old, you'd find vivid fantasies..."
2. Things then took a dark turn
"Then several things happened: my granny passed away and I experienced grief for the first time in my life. I watched my mum shrink and fall into depression. I started to love a boy, went on hormone-altering contraception, and realised too late that he liked to shout at me. At 18, I was a shell of a normal girl. There was just one overriding emotion: a vacuous, overwhelming feeling of despair."
3. Things get worse
Dodie describes how work and travel added stress to her existing mental state, leading to a point where she said to her flatmate Hazel Hayes: "Hazel, I've gone mad."
4. "I didn't want to die"
"I didn't want to die; I very much wanted to live. But I was in a weird limbo: technically alive but not getting anything from existing but pain... nevertheless I kept trying to find ways to get better."
5. She found her way back
Dodie lists ways in which she pulled herself out of the hole she found herself in. She says: "I ran through moments in my head that would spark any sort of joy in my heart and jotted them down, numbering them so that I could count them up as a collection. On the surface they looked superficial, but each of these things was a reminder of who I was, what made me happy and a reason to live."
"I don't know whether I'll ever feel 'present' again, but in the meantime, there's not a lot I can do except look after myself and share my experiences to empathise with people who are in the 'Am-I-really-here?' club."